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Post by Bob on Mar 19, 2007 14:16:12 GMT -5
So, this is what we're here for and most of us on the forum staff are veteran advice givers. I personally have been therapist to almost everyone in my high school and all of my friends since. I even gave my grandpa advice when he got back into the dating game, it was nice to teach someone something who has taught me so much, but I digress.
The thing that is puzzling me right now is a close friend who is socially immature. I can handle most of her questions and I can even stomach her asking me what to do and then arguing with me. What I'm not sure how to go about is teaching her to use her intuition. I'm very intuitive and I rely heavily on it. I can't imagine not being able to just "feel things out" (like a blind man at an orgy). I give her examples when she asks, "how will I know..." but that is frustrating for both of us and surely not effective.
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Post by liljenjen on Mar 19, 2007 14:36:24 GMT -5
This is a toughie. Well seeing as from your choice of words, this friend is a female, and I'm fairly certain she is past being a teenager if this is the type of advice she is coming to you for. So the only example I can think of is using natural things that everyone knows and is apart of our day to day lives.
Like using the bathroom, waking up, feeling hungry, feeling thirsty. No one tells us when we are hungry or what it feels like, same with being thirsty, we just know because of the feeling. It's our natural instinct to drink or eat something when these feelings come about. Just like it's natural for us to want to go use the restroom when we feel the need to relieve our bodies.
All these instincts are not something we are taught or told how to recognize. We just either know it, or learn to recognize it from experience.
I doubt I was any help, but I tried.
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Post by Bob on Mar 19, 2007 15:09:23 GMT -5
Well, she is a teenager, 19 to be specific. I guess intuition isn't something that you teach, I should have worded my statement more accurately, I need to encourage her to learn to develop her intuition based on her experiences. She doesn't seem to get that history repeats itself, most people are lairs, most men will say anything to get a piece of ass, ya know, the simple truths. I think the issue may be that she over thinks everything, and I know from harsh personal experience that over thinking can overpower any amount of intuition.
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Post by Klark on Mar 19, 2007 16:16:04 GMT -5
Well, the only thing I can think of is to show her. There's plenty of specials that have aired on TV, like HBO's Real Sex, that delves into the whole men want ass thing. Perhaps play some video games that are first person shooters and make it one vs. one. Then tell her that she'll have to rely on her guy instinct so that she won't die. Honestly, I don't know how to encourage someone to what to use their intuitive side. Dang Tiny, you always get the rough ones. ;D
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Post by Krystle on Mar 19, 2007 20:42:25 GMT -5
The only way I can think of, is to not second guess yourself. Try not to think much about whether it is the right decision or not. Just close your eyes and instead of weighing your options, just feel. Just pick the first thing that comes to your mind. Just, like, well trying to guess what card is next in the deck, whether it's a specific suit, or even a specific color. I hope I made sense and i'm not sure if I helped, but there it is!
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Post by liljenjen on Mar 19, 2007 21:50:01 GMT -5
Well, she is a teenager, 19 to be specific. I guess intuition isn't something that you teach, I should have worded my statement more accurately, I need to encourage her to learn to develop her intuition based on her experiences. She doesn't seem to get that history repeats itself, most people are lairs, most men will say anything to get a piece of ass, ya know, the simple truths. I think the issue may be that she over thinks everything, and I know from harsh personal experience that over thinking can overpower any amount of intuition. Hmm...I agree on the power of over thinking (tis why I made better grades in morning classes during high school than afternoon classes). Have you pointed out examples of history repeating itself to her? I had to do that with one friend (mind you this friend is the most socially immature thing to walk the planet, don't get me started on her, I have to throw her into the lions den which will make her hate me, but that's fine by me). Just be blunt with her, if that don't work...well, be evil, it's sometimes the only way to get people to see the picture. At least the only way that works for me.
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Post by cottam10 on Mar 19, 2007 22:13:15 GMT -5
Great advice given by all. But unfortunately, sometimes if a person can't or won't learn to use that special feeling, the tingle at the back of the neck, or the cold ball in the stomach, there is nothing that you can do. Some people will refuse to change, as long as you are there to support them. Maybe, you have to let her fall on her own. Sorry, it sucks, but if you keep enabling the person, they will pull you down too.
Randy
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Post by Bob on Mar 20, 2007 1:37:40 GMT -5
Thanks to all.
I specifically want to thank Randy. I need to be reminded that other people's problems can bring me down too. Far too often I forget that and allow it to happen. I guess I get hung up on the fact that the look up to me and I don't want to let them down.
Today has been good progress for her, assuming that it carries over to the future. I've pointed out a dozen things that she is over thinking and then she started to realize that she may be doing it in a later conversation. This person is really special to me and I want her situation to work out for her, so I hope it does.
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Post by Krystle on Mar 24, 2007 15:42:40 GMT -5
You're welcome! ;D We all tried. Yes my uncle gives great advice doesn't he? That's why he's member of the month!
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