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Post by PrinceSirhc on Mar 25, 2007 3:20:34 GMT -5
I'm in a relationship that i don't think is anything but doomed. We've really grown apart over the last two years, and I'm just simply not happy with her anymore.
It's a horribly complicated situation though. We've been together for 5 years this may. Her family has really taken me in. treated me like their son, and been generally really wonderful. To top it off, her dad is my boss's boss.
I'm basically certain that the relationship is beyond the point of being fixed, but what i was hoping for help with is, how do i leave without having to be a complete asshole? Or is that too much to hope for.
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Post by Krystle on Mar 25, 2007 14:11:26 GMT -5
Well, honestly, you should just tell her that. Break it to her gently, though. Let her know what you feel. Tell her that you'll always cherish the good times you had, but that you seem to have grown apart. I can't guarantee that it won't hurt her, but there's not really a way you can NOT hurt her you know?  |
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Post by Bob on Mar 26, 2007 0:11:19 GMT -5
Well, the truth is the best way to handle this in my opinion. But make it a discussion, don't just tell her how unhappy you are, that can be taken as confrontational no matter how tactful you are. Tell her you need to talk and ask her, is our relationship everything you wanted it to be? If she says yes, then I have no advice, other than end the conversation there and start sending out resumes. Chances are, she is unhappy too and I don't know if you've talked about it before, but if you both have non-confrontational personalities, then maybe a nice open discussion could lead to a relationship saving series of compromises. If nothing else, a successful conversation would make the breakup mutual and give her father less reason to bring it into your workplace.
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Post by PrinceSirhc on Mar 26, 2007 3:16:39 GMT -5
A couple of things to address.
First and foremost, we have talked it to death and back again. We've talked about what I need, and what she needs, what I want, and what she wants, how we can both be happy, etc. And from her point of view, there isn't really anything wrong. She's getting everything she wants out of the relationship. I tend to be a very giving person in relationships, and end up thinking of myself last. And what I used to, from previous relationships, is that every now and again, the other person reciprocates, and thinks of me first. Well she doesn't. It just doesn't occur to her to do that. And if i suggest it, then i'm being selfish.
Secondly, we have agreed on more compromises than i can count, all of which she eventually fails to follow through on. Sometime it's a few weeks or stability and happiness, and sometimes it's the same day that she's forgotten the agreement we made. It so frustrating to try and make progress and set up compromises, just to have it ignored and forgotten. If i point out our agreements that she didn't follow, then i'm being a jerk. So as to that effect, I've tried.
As far as just talking it through to a peaceful conclusion, I've tried. She treats it like a debate. Tells me that I don't really feel that way, and that i'm making up excuses to leave when there is no reason. She wants to spend the rest of her life with me, and seems to be willing to fight for that. I don't think that's something i can do.
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Post by minouners on Mar 26, 2007 10:11:42 GMT -5
princesirhc... you just wrote the exact situation I'm in. As I was reading it, I was thinking... wait, did I write that....
You'll be happy to hear that I'm walking away... if you need advice or a shoulder to cry on... I know exactly what you're going through.
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Post by Klark on Mar 26, 2007 11:52:25 GMT -5
Minouners, Good for you! You're sure to find a better happiness than whatever that relationship was trickling in. Princesirhc, wow buddy. Sounds almost like an ex of mine. Ya know what I did? I told her I couldn't take it anymore. That I don't care if I'm being selfish, I'm telling her what I'm not happy about. So I told her, when I was done, she tried to argue it. I told her no. I told her I wasn't happy and that I wasn't the man for her. Her family had taken me in, we were together for 3 years, but I couldn't take her anymore. When we broke up, her family still accepted me, mostly because I had talked it through with her parents before I actually decided to break up with her. They told me that my relationship was my business. I explained my position on everything clearly and they understood. If you do break it off with your girl, I wish you the best of luck. If her father tries to bring it into the workplace, then you've just gotta stop and think. Is that really a family want to be mixed up with? I'd rather earn my raises and promotions, and from what I've seen from you, you would too. You're a good dude, best of luck, and if you gotta be an asshole to get the point across, then do it. Just don't get too into it and actually become an asshole. |
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Post by Krystle on Mar 26, 2007 12:53:47 GMT -5
Yay! Good for you!!! ;D Minouners!
Princesirhrc, sometimes you have to be firm to get your point across.
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Post by Bob on Mar 26, 2007 19:12:29 GMT -5
I didn't realize that you had been thru this with her so many times. I know what it is to be the giving one. I've had 2 relationships like that and they have both ended badly. All I can think to say is get it over with and start to pick up the pieces.
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Post by minouners on Mar 27, 2007 8:26:07 GMT -5
Take it from me. I walked out last night and I feel like a million bucks! You can do it and we're here to support you! ;D   |
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Post by Krystle on Mar 27, 2007 19:58:08 GMT -5
Way to go Minouners!
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Post by cottam10 on Mar 27, 2007 23:41:05 GMT -5
Sorry, not commenting on this one, no how, no way. I'm from a different time, a different world, and none of you would like what I have to say.
Randy
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Post by PrinceSirhc on Mar 28, 2007 1:36:21 GMT -5
Sorry, not commenting on this one, no how, no way. I'm from a different time, a different world, and none of you would like what I have to say. Randy What could you possibly say that would be negative? Now I'm curious... |
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Post by Klark on Mar 28, 2007 11:16:52 GMT -5
It's an open board. Just because someone doesn't like what you say doesn't mean you shouldn't say it. After all, we have freedom of speech, right?
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Post by Krystle on Mar 28, 2007 20:57:24 GMT -5
Please Uncle Randy? I invited you to this forum because I WANTED to know your opinion. It's a forum for everyone and everyone has a right to say what's on their mind here. The great thing is that because you're from a different time, you can offer a different perspective on people's problems. No matter what age they are and what age you are. Age doesn't matter so much here! Please don't hold back anymore!? ;D
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Post by Bob on Mar 29, 2007 10:58:23 GMT -5
Sorry, not commenting on this one, no how, no way. I'm from a different time, a different world, and none of you would like what I have to say. Randy Yeah Randy, part of the problem with our generation is that we don't learn the values of our elders. Go ahead and lay that old school wisdom on us! |
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