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Post by minouners on Mar 23, 2007 11:22:34 GMT -5
So what do you do when your man does not want to have sexual encounters with you anymore? You've tried everything and nothing is making it better....
They say that sex isn't everything in a relationship, I beg to differ...
Discuss!
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Post by Klark on Mar 23, 2007 11:47:30 GMT -5
Well, after trying porn or something, you could always try counseling. It may sound corny, but there may be an underlying issue as to why he doesn't want to have sex. Krystle and I don't a lot right now because my back is hurt and it makes it difficult, but we're aware of why we don't.
I would say have a chat to see what's bothering him about the sex. If he doesn't wanna talk, just remember that it's not totally your fault that he doesn't want to have sex with you. Sex is a two person act.
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Post by minouners on Mar 23, 2007 12:12:08 GMT -5
Yeah, I've told him about the counseling. He laughed in my face. We've tried porn. He just says that he doesn't get in the mood like I do. And when I try to get him in the mood, he rejects me.
I'll try to get a counselor and see how that goes but I'm not getting my hopes up.
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Post by Klark on Mar 23, 2007 12:16:45 GMT -5
It worries me that he laughed in your face when you brought that up. It's almost as if he's not interested in you anymore, period. You haven't noticed any other strange habits he's picked up lately, have you? I don't mean to say he's cheating, but it does worry me that he laughed like that.
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Post by minouners on Mar 23, 2007 12:36:29 GMT -5
well it depends on what you define as weird...
how about, him having mood swings and telling me he needs his time alone and tells me to stay 2 feet away from him?
or how he spends most of his time watching a tv series or on his laptop?
And maybe even the fact that we used to always shower together but now we barely do anymore?
I don't think he's cheating cause he's not the type to do so but I'm not ruling it out... just don't think that's the main reason.
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Post by Klark on Mar 23, 2007 13:00:28 GMT -5
Honestly, it sounds like he's trying to drive you away and by laughing in your face about counseling, welll, it seems he doesn't want it fixed. Perhaps he's too much of a coward to actually announce that he wants it over, or he's using whatever you bring into the relationship, other than you.
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Post by minouners on Mar 23, 2007 13:07:33 GMT -5
Well you see, I've asked him... are we over? Or do you want us to be over and he says no.
He says that he thinks that's there absolutely nothing wrong with our relationship. I've told him that I've thought that we were over a couple of times and he just doesn't see it.
I've also told him that I'd move out for a week and he answered by saying... do what you got to do... (I mentioned it before and this was his response)
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Post by Klark on Mar 23, 2007 13:14:17 GMT -5
Hmmm, that definitely makes me think that something is up. He's not trying to salvage the relationship, but he doesn't mind you staying, he won't fulfill your needs, and if you left, he wouldn't mind.
If you guys share any expenses and what not, that may be the part he's trying to keep. It seems though in a lot of ways, he's just letting you be around, except the staying 2 feet away part. I think it's time that you packed your bags and left. Find someone that will fulfill your relationship needs as well as your sexual ones. After all, you don't really think that you'll be happy a few months or years down the road with him, do you?
If he's unwilling to cooperate and fix what you see wrong with relationship, he's not gonna be the boyfriend he started out being. Almost sounds like he's lost interest in being in a relationship.
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Post by minouners on Mar 23, 2007 13:22:09 GMT -5
Well you see... this is the type of guy that can stay alone for the rest of his life... so in other words, a loner.
I've accepted this a long time ago but I mean... I have needs and I never realized how important they were until recently. It took me a while to figure it out but after having no self esteem left, I have no choice but to do something.
I've never done anything for myself but I think I might just have to start now before it's too late...
It just takes so much energy to leave... energy that I just don't have!!
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Post by Klark on Mar 23, 2007 13:31:09 GMT -5
Perhaps you can gather that energy from friends and family. Being a in a destructive relationship is only, in the end, destroy you too. Sometimes, the best thing to do is leave.
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Post by minouners on Mar 23, 2007 13:39:57 GMT -5
I'll keep that in mind... guess it's hard to make a decision when I can only tell my side of the story... but I mean... if he can't talk to me... arrghhhhh MEN! lol Screw this, I'm sticking with women next time
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Post by Krystle on Mar 23, 2007 17:20:50 GMT -5
So what do you do when your man does not want to have sexual encounters with you anymore? You've tried everything and nothing is making it better.... They say that sex isn't everything in a relationship, I beg to differ... Discuss! Well sex isn't everything, but it's definitely an important part of the relationship! Maybe you should tell him that you want a break for awhile to think a little. Try some new things that you've been wanting to. Who knows, you might find someone who will be as open minded as you are!!!! Lol good choice! Don't totally rule men out of the equations though. Just because one guys not going to treat you the way you should be treated, that doesn't mean ALL guys are like that. Like I said before, it doesn't seem worth it to stay. I've been in a relationship where a guy put me down all the time and made me feel so low, that I thought staying was my only option. It took a few people before I finally realized the situation fully. I finally did something for myself and left him. It was the best thing I've ever done. I know it's hard to do, but sometimes the only thing you can do is know when to let go and move on. It takes lots of energy, but when you do it, after it is all over and done with, you feel loads better. Believe me. I'm living proof of that! ;D
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Post by PrinceSirhc on Mar 25, 2007 3:07:07 GMT -5
I'm pretty much in exactly the same situation you're in minouners, except that because I'm a guy, it suddenly because wrong for me to want sex in a relationship. I'm the bad person because i desire physical contact and my girlfriend has become disinterested. Just for background, we currently have sex about once every 3 months. We've talked about it extensively, and the only answer I've ever gotten is that she's just not ever in the mood anymore. But because she's female and making that decision, it's not ok for me to question it. So trust me when i say that i know where you're coming from on that one.
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Post by Krystle on Mar 25, 2007 14:18:43 GMT -5
Well that's definitely NOT healthy! I don't understand how women/men could NOT want sexual contact. I guess that's just because I enjoy sex very much and although it's not everything to me, it's one of the perks of a relationship, you know?
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Post by minouners on Mar 26, 2007 10:02:08 GMT -5
I'm pretty much in exactly the same situation you're in minouners, except that because I'm a guy, it suddenly because wrong for me to want sex in a relationship. I'm the bad person because i desire physical contact and my girlfriend has become disinterested. Just for background, we currently have sex about once every 3 months. We've talked about it extensively, and the only answer I've ever gotten is that she's just not ever in the mood anymore. But because she's female and making that decision, it's not ok for me to question it. So trust me when i say that i know where you're coming from on that one. Well at least you're not alone in this situation and if you need people to talk to, we're here for you and who knows, maybe we can bounce decisions off each other. Do you mind me asking how long you've been with this gf?
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